Thursday, October 25, 2007

Thoughts for Thursdays

What was I doing ten years ago???? Every so often I reminisce. In some ways ten years seems so long ago. In other ways, it some ways I feel I blinked my eyes and ten years have passed, quickly!!!

Ten years ago, I was newly married, only for a month and half. I was working full time at our community hospital. I worked days and my husband worked nights. We really didn't see much of each other. In some ways that was good, and others it was bad. No one ever told me how hard the first year of marriage really is. Like any life change, this was such an adjustment. Every day I was so home sick. I only moved 2 miles away from the house, where I grew up. Yet, it seemed like I was hours away. Seriously, I would start to drive to my parents' house after work by accident. I remember feeling so lonely when John was working at night and there was no one else in my house. Growing up there was always some one at home, albeit my mother, father, or one of my sisters. Being alone at night was some thing I had to get used to.

I think the first year of marriage brings out a lot of your differences, sometimes for the good, and sometimes for the bad. I remember arguing about such simple things like the heat and at what temperature it should be set. Dinners were another bone of contention. I know some one would have been happy with take-out every night. While I on the other hand, tried to cook home-made meals. I think in that first year, you realize just how different you both might really be. I really think that first year is soooo much more challenging than anyone would tell you.

In that year, that I think you really learn grow as a couple. I know I just let a lot of stuff go. I learned that the petty stuff was just that, petty and insignificant. I learned that it is sooo much easier to act as a team rather than an opponent. I learned that there will be a lot of fun times, but also some more serious times.

I would never want to scare a newlywed by telling them what I think about the first year. I think that would be kind of mean. I wouldn't want to take away from the magical thoughts of a wedding and marriage. However, if someone ever said they thought it was hard, I would tell them they are right. It is hard but I genuinely believe it gets so much better.

Here I am ten years later. I can tell you that ten years have not been easy by any means but it really has been ten awesome years! Of course there are times when I might feel like running away but all in all, if I made it through that first year, I am staying.

Perhaps this post is two-fold, but I ask:
Where were you ten years ago?
If you are married, what did you think of the first year?

Some other tft bloggers:



Mary said...

Ha! 10 years ago......I was a senior in high school and I was probably over at your house watching tv and keeping you company!

First year of marriage......TOUGH!!! I remember getting in the car after a big argument and driving away. However I ended up lost and had to call John so he could get me home! ha ha ha

jenny said...

ten years ago i was a sophomore in high school. and i had just started to date matt (my hubby). whoa.

first year of marriage was tough but also fun and carefree. now with a little guy, we are on a whole different playing field - learning even more about each other. it is interesting!

Kristi @ Mi Vida Ocupada said...

Ten years ago I was living it up as a Jr in college. The next year E and I started dating, two years later we moved in together. It has been 9 years now and for one reason or another we have not yet made our vows, but we act and have committed to each other as though we are married. The first year was very exciting as we learned new things about each other, but you also learn things you don't necessarily like too!

Anonymous said...

Ten years ago I was in my second year of college . . . a husband and children were the last thing on my mind - in fact I think I used to tell people that I didn't want either!

I think my husband and I were the exception to the norm when it came to our first year of marriage - we didn't face a lot of adjustment or change, and rarely argued. We did all the first year 'No-No's' - major move, both of us changed careers, we bought a house, and just after our first anniversary, got pregnant. Every year since? Now that's a whole different story . . .

I enjoy your blog and look forward to reading more! Thanks for stopping by my little space as well.

Nicole said...

10 years ago I had just met my now-husband, Ryan. We met in high school English class. We started dating in December, dated (and broke up) and dated again for a total of 6years before we got married. We were married almost 4 years ago (Nov. 15th).

Our first year of marriage wasn't that much of an adjustment, as we had already lived together for about 2 years. I don't remember the first year of living together all that much, but I do know we had some rough times, as we still do.

Now... what I think is even harder is the first year of parenthood... GAH!! That was much tougher for us. Trying to cope with a new baby, not feel like you're "doing it all" and the other isn't pulling their weight(even though my hubby definitely is involved and does his fair share... somehow it just doesn't always seem "equal"), and trying to live on just a few hours of sleep. I'm glad that year is behind us. On to more challenges of marriage...

Anonymous said...

10 years ago it was all about beers and bitches......hey I was in my second year at college, what do you want from me.....I'm being honest

Anonymous said...

10 years ago I was getting out of high school (I graduated early), and acting like I knew it all...LOL!

Our first year of marriage (almost 6 years ago)...well, it was hard. Mainly because I was so lonely. Hubby was gone for more than a year and half of the first 2 years of our marriage. He was out to sea ALL of the time. (I still wonder how we even managed to get It was hard to be away from each other, but it also made us treasure the time we had together so much more, and though we did the typical "getting used to being married fighting", it really wasn't too bad. I mean, why fight when he was leaving in two that really how we wanted to spend our time together? It was just hard being on an emotional roller-coaster like that as newly-weds.

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right? :-)

Jenny said...

Ten years ago I was in college and living with my husband and a bunch of other guys I was friends with. We had all gone to HS together, and even though my husband and I weren't dating at the time, he was my very best friend! Never in a MILLION years would I thought we'd be here 10 years later!

I agree with Nicole - I didn't think the first year of marriage - actually I think it rocked! We felt like newlyweds for the whole year! The hardest time for us was the first year we dated. We were young and still trying to figure out what we wanted. There was a lot of not-needed-drama after coming home from the bars at night. We were both pretty immature and have grown up SO much!

Now, with Acadia in the picture, I have to say it's been a bit tough again. It's hard going from being able to do anything you want/whenever you want to having an infant. But we try to remind ourselves that this is just a small phase in our lives.

Zoe said...

lets see...10 years ago... i was single. hot. in really good shape and dating my ass off. would i trade it...hmmm...depends on the day i guess!

Finders Fee said...

I've been married just over 12yrs. I also lived with my husband for almost a year before we were married. "They" say that "The first year is always the toughest" and I wholeheartedly believe that.

10yrs ago...I was dealing with a 6mth old baby boy. But as much as you love your husband and as much as you love your children, it's ALWAYS going to be compromising.

As long as you can be selfish sometimes, in the sense that you know you also need time to be something other than a wife and mother or you'll feel suffocated, then it won't be as hard and will be worth it at the end of the day. Most women feel guilty for feeling that they need to be themselves and they shouldn't. You have to balance it all.

Michelle Leigh said...

Well, 10 years ago I was a senior in high school. My hubby and I started dating about 6 months prior and he was in college. Wow, that was a long time ago and we've grown so much!

As far as the first year of marriage... I was working full time and newly preggo, and Brian worked as a consultant and was on the road all the time. It was a trying time as newlyweds should be together, but we made it through and are much stronger for it. Thanks for the insightful and honest post!

Anonymous said...

Hi I too want to share my feeling as i was going through the blog.

I would be completing my first year of narriage on 2nd may and its somewhat similar to of Mary.

I pick up a job only after for a month and half from my marriage. I am working full time in one of the IT company. I worked days and my husband worked nights in one of the call centers in India. We really didn't see much of each other in weekdays. And what ever time we see also is mostly while one is one the bed and other has to leave.What was the worst part is that i lost my mother also before six months of my marriage. I feel so home sick but my place is very far away from my parents place and cannot go often may be once or twice in a year. I am feeling so lonely when i am alone in the night and there is no one else in my house. Even we dont have many friends here.
No doubt my husband is very loving and caring but the problem is we dont have time for each other also on week ends he is either sleeping or watching sports or news.

Somehow i feel i have lost something after marriage, no doubt i have again also much but then i feel i am struggling with something.
I asked him for a kid also with whom i would be busy and would not feel alone but he is not prepared for that at present wants 1 or 2yrs more. He wants to enjoy his life before taking up the responsblities.