Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Having everything?

I clearly remember that late afternoon. I had just been married a couple of years and had not yet had any children (or at least children born yet!) I had just returned from work and needed to bake something for an event for work the next day. I couldn't find a particular recipe and therefore needed to call a certain person for it. That person had recently had a new baby. She was indeed older than me (and oh so much wiser!) or so she thought. She gave me the recipe, and then we chatted for a little while. Of course, I was asking her all about her new baby and motherhood. I was intrigued and excited to hear everything.
She then proceeded to tell me (perhaps this was her more mature brain taking over) how I should definitely wait to have children. According to her, I should wait until I had everything I wanted. "Get your house all set and buy what you want," she told me. While I am boiling just thinking of this conversation, I distinctly remember her telling me that older parents make the best parents, because they have really lived their life. According to her, they have everything their children will need and are well established - they (older parents) make better parents.

What she did not know was that I not only called her for a recipe, I was calling her to tell her that I was with child and expecting a bundle of joy in 7 months. Wow did she know how to spoil the fun! While I was not older, and I certainly didn't have my house in order - indeed, there were many more construction projects that would get done, much later. I was however, much wiser and perhaps more mature. Additionally, I DID have everything. That is everything that was important to me at that time - my greatest love!

Flash forward 8 years, and I really have everything - my 3 greatest loves. As for the perfect house and all the rest, well why sweat the small stuff when you really have everything?!?

credit for this picture goes to Mary

46 comments:

Zoe said...

if you wait to have everything, or for the perfect time...you will never have a child. there will always be something else to get. but nothing completes your world like children.

Robyn said...

Yeah, you can't wait for everything. J was like that, but he already had a kid, he wanted to get all this other stuff done before we had one, and now he wishes we wouldn't have waited so long, me either. I basically told him we can't wait forever.

KG said...

Amen, sistah! And I agree with Zoe - there's NEVER a perfect time to have a child. I'm only 26 and consider myself uber lucky . . . I always wanted to be a young mom. Besides, I'm scared of waiting too long and then having problems!

Also, thanks for your comment on my post! I talked to my hubby yesterday . . . he's doing pretty well, but he's sleeping in a tent *ick* until the guy whose job he is taking over moves out of his bed. Then hubby will get that bed. In the mean time, he's shaking out his boots because of scorpions!

OHmommy said...

Oh Mary... so true and very well said.

And. Again. SUCH a beautiful picture. You really do have it all. Your style is fab!

Mary said...

Amy, does the person you are writing about give you the DCs? he he he

Mari said...

I love this post! I had my kids young. We had only been married for 6 months when we got pregnant and I was not quite 21 when Laura was born. It may have been easier money wise if we had waited, but I wouldn't trade any of my kids for all the money in the world! I think there are blessings and difficulties no matter when those kids come!

Maria said...

That's a great outlook. Family is definitely the most important thing.

Corey~living and loving said...

ah yes....waiting until everything is perfect....sigh.....when will people realize that nothing is ever perfect. Life is what you make it....not what you have.
great post.

Are You Serious! said...

♥ I'm with you! If we waiting until the "prefect" time, I don't think we'd ever have kids! :)

and now I just noticed that's pretty much what everyone else said! Have a great week...

Unknown said...

Oh wow, talk about foot in mouth! Yikes. That said, I always tell people to wait. Sleep in, shop for cute clothes, eat out, drink wine!

I only say it because I was 24 when I found out that I pregnant with twins. Huge life adjustment, however, now that I have them I am soooo happy to be young and have the energy to keep up with them.

kim-d said...

I think what is right is different for everyone, and it has nothing to do with age, houses, or having all the "things" you want--because I don't know of anyone who has EVER had ALL the things they want. They keep coming out with new, better stuff :)! What I think is important before having children is, being happy with yourself. And, I don't know for sure, but I think that many times when someone is always looking to buy new stuff and to have more stuff, they are searching for SOMETHING to make them happy. So, yeah, for those people it might be a good idea to wait. Because it just might be that it won't be a good idea for them to be parents at all. Sometimes, just because a person CAN doesn't necessarily mean a person SHOULD--because my opinion is, there is nothing sadder than a person who already has kids but wishes they "would have waited." Whoa! Because I am old (HAHAHA) and it is just what people did back when I was born, my Mom had me when she was very young--just 19. Which meant that, by the time I was in my early 20s, we were already well on our way to being best friends as well as Mother/Daughter. It worked out good for us, especially since she died young. And YOU, Amy JEAN Kelly...I think you have just the right guys in your life, and at just the right time! So, whoever it was you talked to on the phone that day, they should just shut up. HAHAHAHA!

Happy Days said...

Don't you wish you could just say it to her as Kim-D has written? "....- Just Shut Up!!!!" Ha, Ha, Ha! You will have to do another post about the "you are JUST a mother" comment.

beanski said...

no perfect moment, i agree. there are too many life goals for me to ever get them all done. and having babies was right at the top of the list.

i love to canoe by the way! i can't WAIT to get renee out on the water!

girlymom said...

Amy~ I love this post!

You summed up so many important things. My post yesterday was somewhat referring to this idea. Then this morning the Today SHow is on and they calculated the "cost" of having a child...an easy 1/2 million! Can you imagine if we all waited till we had everything? Good to know there are wise Mom's and Dad's out there who have it all and KNOW IT!

This is a precious picture!

girlymom said...

I wanna hear the "your just a mom" comment...please tell...

Misty said...

EXACTLY. I agree whole heartedly....

Angie @ KEEP BELIEVING said...

I totally agree with Zoe. There is always something else that will tempt us or make our life "better" if we think we have to have THINGS before a family. Besides, children come in God's perfect timing, not our own.

KEEP BELIEVING

Anonymous said...

Very well put! I was one who wanted to wait for the 'perfect' time to have kids . . . I would be one lonely woman if I had opted for that!

Family Adventure said...

Things will never be perfect...perhaps you may be wiser when you are older, but you are a heck of a lot slower, too :)

Gorgeous picture, as always.

Heidi

Lizzy in the Burbs said...

Hi, Amy!

You are so right, there will always be something that needs buying or repairing, that's life. If we waited to start families until we "had" everything and everything in our lives was "perfect", we'd NEVER have children, it just doesn't work that way. Personally, I think not "having" my children would mean I was "missing" something!

Lizzy
p.s. What a great father/son picture!

Denise H. said...

I completely agree, Children are Everything! I am one who hasn't been lucky enough to get pregnant and want children more than anything. I think that one day my time will come and I will get my children either naturally or by adoption.

Denise H. said...

I completely agree, Children are Everything! I am one who hasn't been lucky enough to get pregnant and want children more than anything. I think that one day my time will come and I will get my children either naturally or by adoption.

jenny said...

there is never a PERFECT time! she had some weird advice. i agree with you, its the people in our lives - not the things in our lives, that make life worth every minute. i love that picture!

Life As I Know It said...

If you wait until you have everything, when everything is "perfect" then I don't think any of us would have kids! There's never a perfect time...you have kids when it happens. Everything else always has a way of falling into place!
Great picture too!

Mom said...

I couldn't agree more!

Alice said...

As my Memaw always said: if you wait for everything to be right to have a child (enough money, big home, settled career) you'd never have a child. You just do it - God will provide.

Kristi @ Mi Vida Ocupada said...

The photo of all your boys is priceless! Mary did a great job!

Melissa said...

There will never be a perfect time for a child. Your child isnt going to have a good life because you have house and a car paid off. It will be happy because you adn your husband have a loving stabble relationship, family that will love them, and a drive to do the best for them. My husbadn and I were only married 4 months when we found out we were prego...I freaked and my husband was sooo happy. I didn't think we could do it, money wise, patient wise, everything.

We have a great family and I couldn't be happier! I am only 24 and have a 6 month old and have loved it. I am even still in school. I have older parents and it is great I have also seen my friends with younger parents and that is great too. As long as their is a family taht is what is great!

Michelle Leigh said...

Man, if everyone waited to have children until they were "ready", civilization would cease to exist. Really you aren't ready until you hold that child in your arms. As far as older women being better moms, well I disagree. I don't think age has anything to do with it. A good mom is so much more than an age and varies from woman to woman. Thanks so much for sharing that story.

just jamie said...

Oh, I love this. GORGEOUS photo Mary. And Amy, your family is blessed to have you as their loving mother.

Beth from the Funny Farm said...

I don't know who said this... but it was a wise comment!

"If you wait until you can afford to have children, you may never have children!"

Ice Cream said...

When we were first married two of my husband's brothers told him we should wait at least a year to get pregnant so that we could get to know each other first.

I told him that was silly and if we needed to know each other for a year first we should just be engaged and not married for a year.

Now I realize even more what folly it would have been to wait simply to get to know each other because he would get to know me and then I would become a total stranger. Pregnancy and motherhood totally change us. I'm glad he has always known me as a mother so he doesn't ever have to wonder what happened to the woman he married. =)

MamaGeek @ Works For Us said...

If there was a PERFECT time to have kids, nobody would ever have them. I SO agree with you and LOVE your tale. It warms my heart!

jessica said...

if i had "waited" i wouldn't be ME! i wouldn't have my beautiful children and none of it is regrettable. beautiful post.

Angela said...

Yes I do agree
I am blesed

Don Mills Diva said...

I am an older parent but that doesn't make me a better one - I wish I had been younger. The more you concentrate on getting your house in order the more attached you get to having your house ordered a certain way and a child is going to blow that out of the water - that is a big transition for older, more established parents.

Abbie said...

Amen sister!! Young parents rock, my friend :)

kimmy said...

Nicely written...I couldn't have said it better myself!

Have a great weekend!

Kimmy

Heather said...

I have always thought that the time will never be just right. If you wait for that time, you'll wait forever and then it will be too late. Kids change everything, no matter who ready you think you are. And once you have kids, you can't ever imagine life without them.

Mary Alice said...

Some people thought I should have waited myself...but now almost 18 years after the birth of our first, I know it all turned out exactly like it was meant to.

Amy said...

Amy such a sweet story...I agree with Zoe, if we waited for that perfect time..no one would ever have kids...it has to be what's right for a particuliar person I think...what a sweet picture!

Jaime Cox said...

TRUE!!!!
Love that shot!!! PERFECT for your post!!

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

We WILL survive but damned if I know where we will get the strength! :)

Thank you for the comment you left. It means so much to me to know that my favorite bloggers are keeping John in your prayers.

Surgery will be here in Maine.

Hallie

Overflowing Brain said...

Hey Amy-

My blog is the perfect place to ask me questions, so don't feel like you have to preface it or anything (and I certainly don't think you're being fresh, though I'm making a mental note to use that phrase more often). I invited the political banter and I understand that not everyone agrees with me and thus questions will persist. I hope you don't mind my answering here, I don't want you to think I ignored your comment.

Here's my issue with guns, simply put, I do not think that the general public should have them, bad guys or good guys. I think that the 2nd amendment has been grossly misconstrued into our belief that we should have the right to bear deadly weapons because it makes us feel safe. The 2nd amendment says that we can have guns in case a military power tries to take over our homes. And you can bend and twist the words, but it still doesn't equal a criminal coming into rob us. My fiance also works nights often and I understand the feeling of helplessness (though I don't have children), and all I can do is hope that men like your husband will be around if I am met with such a crisis.

I realize it's really idealistic and maybe that's a flaw in my character, but to me, the concept of no one but police and militia owning guns is something that I find to be incredibly appealing. And I think that if guns were harder to find and purchase that it would make it harder for those bad guys to be so bad.

Have a nice evening!

Amy said...

I love this! If you wait for the RIGHT time to have kids, you'll never have them. And I personally LOVE being a YOUNG mom!

shay said...

I couldn't agree more!

I too didn't wait to have "everything" whatever that is:)
Now I feel like I have all the important things.

I'm 35 and my oldest is turning 13 so I was a young mom. My youngest is 4 so I'm an older mom too. It's all good!